kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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