dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
