He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
