WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
wow bdsm is so cute
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
