smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
