He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
