She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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