well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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