Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
