Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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