Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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