I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
soo... how was my night?
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