Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
im on a boat
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