I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize