I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
