i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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