Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
