is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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