You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
