Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
