My nipple is on Facebook.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
