Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
