Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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