Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
