Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize