haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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