South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
