i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
