remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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