The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
