just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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