I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
