My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
