If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
