so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
