STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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