I'm really into asian looking animals
i think my tv is drunk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
