i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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