WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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