I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize