Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was like his penis was on wheels.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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