Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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