Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
