I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
