This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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