I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just found a bag of teeth...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
