If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
