ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
