I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
