Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dick very happy bro
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
