john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
