Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
