6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
