Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He did a backflip because drugs
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