You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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