i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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