3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
...so i touched it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
