Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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