Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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