she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
