Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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