So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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