well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ttyl tear gas
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
