Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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