just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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