If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
porn star boner night. come get it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
