I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
