Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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