how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
