is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
