its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
