fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
