I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
